


The Plot

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [299]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established, M/M, Meddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 06:17:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4818266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Natasha plots to get them together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Plot

**Author's Note:**

> Here on tumblr

It’s not always that the  _great_ Black Widow asks for help - the ‘great’ is italicized because Natasha would like it on record that she’s using the term sarcastically. And during those rare moments, she really only turns to one person: Clint Barton.

Since Clint  _is_  the one causing her problems at the moment, she finds it difficult to find a shoulder to whine on. And really, in this day and age, there’s only one person trustworthy enough to share her thoughts with. Only one person diligent enough to lend a listening ear. Thoughtful enough to-

“Fine! I’ll do it! Sheesh. No need to butter me up. I’m just as human as you are, Natasha, if only a little better.” Tony jostled her arm with his elbow. 

Natasha rolled her eyes at him, and Steve shook his head. 

“I was talking about Steve.” Natasha told him with the driest tone she had. 

Steve snorted and Tony pouted. “Sure. What do you wanna talk about?” Steve asked anyway.

“It’s about Clint and Phil.” She started. When realizations were apparent on both men’s faces she found no need to continue. 

“How long has  _that_  been going on?” Tony hopped on the kitchen counter and started picking grapes off of its stem and popping them into his mouth. 

“Since before I came into SHIELD, apparently.” Natasha said with a defeated sigh. “So you can only imagine my frustration.”

“Why not set them up then?” Tony asked.

“Wow. Why didn’t I think of that? You’re so smart, Tony. I wish I could be just as smart as you are!”

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “Okay, 2 things: 1. I have feelings too, you know. 2. Steve already has the title of sassmaster in this tower. No need to compete. 3. I was just suggesting!”

“Those were 3 things.” Steve pointed out.

“Anything that doesn’t involve an elephant is irrelephant!” Tony declared. 

“Point is, both might be spies of the highest caliber in SHIELD, but they’re both thicker than Tony’s ego.”

“FEELINGS!”

“Have you tried talking to either men?” Steve asked.

“Clint just gave me a snort and Coulson gave me that weird smile-smirk thing he does when he thinks you’re kidding.”

“What about locking them in a room together? Have them talk it out?” Steve shrugged.

“They just end up talking about what to get for dinner or something equally mundane.” 

“I got it!” Tony suddenly piped up. Natasha and Steve both stared at him. “Oh, no. I meant the grape seed that was stuck in my tooth.” Natasha sighed, “Have you tried getting them drunk?”

“Yeah. Isn’t drinking supposed to lower your inhibitions? Maybe that’ll work.” Steve agreed.

“Nah, won’t work. They’re both sleepy drunks.”

“Then put them in a bed together.” Tony shrugged. 

“And when they wake up, they’ll think they slept together.”

“Forcing them to talk about the night’s events and their feelings! That’s genius!” Natasha perked up. “Thanks Steve.” She said.

She was on her way out of the kitchen when Tony yelled, “It was  _my_  idea, you ingrate!” 

Steve laughed and went back to making pancakes for dinner.

—

Despite the skills Natasha had, she did not have the skill set required to carry two passed out, fully grown men into a king sized bed so she had to carry them one by one and hoped neither of the two woke up. 

Once the men were stripped and laid out in bed, Natasha threw a condom on the floor next to the bed for effect. 

When you’re in this business for as long as Natasha has been, you’ll know that it’s the little things that’ll give your cover away.

And with the seeds planted, Natasha stepped out of the room and smiled at a job well done.

—

Clint came into the kitchen at around noon, and despite the time, he was glaring at everything and anything that made a sound. That included Natasha’s “Good Morning, Sunshine.”

Clint grunted in response. 

Phil, on the other hand, looked as ready as he always has - crisp suit, bright eyes, passive smile. “Hello, Natasha.” Phil responded for Clint. “Care to tell us what the condom on the floor was about? Because I am  _not_ cleaning that up.”

Clint grunted in agreement.

“TMI. I don’t need to know what happens in your rooms at night.” Natasha complained.

“Yeah, see, normally I’d believe you. But you were the only one we were with last night.” Phil raised an eyebrow at her.

“That doesn’t mean I had sex with either of you.” Natasha shrugged.

Phil frowned and Clint grunted in confusion. “Why would you have sex with either of us?” Phil asked. 

“Isn’t that what you’re implying? with the condom?”

“What? No. We’re asking what the end goal was by putting a used condom on the bedroom floor.”

“I didn’t put that there.” Natasha tried to salvage it. 

“Who put it there then?”

Clint groaned and put his head on his hand to prop it upright. “Tasha. We haven’t used a condom for sex in years. Literally,  _years._  I’m not even sure we still have those here in the apartment.” Clint managed to stay upright long enough to say that before he was face first into the counter again, blocking out every possible source of light.

There was a long moment of silence before Natasha muttered a soft, “Oh.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/129291978931/do-you-guys-know-about-the-asia-pop-comicon-if)


End file.
